Mindfulness Activity #129

Equanimity and Attachment

Good Morning. As our world continues to be intense and chaotic, developing and maintaining equanimity can be challenging. Equanimity can be defined as mental calmness and composure even in difficult situations. It is the quality of being present in the world without getting swept up in things or becoming reactive. It is also the source of wisdom and wise decision making. Today we will look at one of the threats to achieving mental composure which is confusing equanimity with being detached or shut down.

Equanimity is important because it protects us from needless emotional suffering and keeps us from doing things we may later regret. Frequently, Buddhist teachings explain that we need to let go of attachments in order to achieve equanimity. What does this mean and how does it impact our ability to be balanced and calm even in difficult situations? We can become attached to almost anything. We can be attached to things like gold chains, or nice cars or we can become attached to ideas, believing we have the only true idea. We can be so attached to success that we set ourselves up for emotional turmoil when we make a mistake. We can be attached to praise from others, so much so that we lack an internal sense of who we are. We can even become attached to negative ideas or things. When we do not see a failure in the broad context of all of who we are and what we do, we overly identify with failure, and we feel incompetent or inadequate. But the opposite of being attached is not being shut down or not caring—it is being balanced.

Buddhist teaching describes equanimity as an emotion. I think this may seem confusing. It was to me. Isn’t equanimity the absence of emotion? It turns out no, equanimity is not the absence of emotion, it is awareness of emotions without being swept up by them. For those of you practicing DBT, you can think of equanimity as wise mind.

One translation of the ancient words used to describe equanimity is to “look over, with understanding.” The Buddha described a mind with equanimity as “abundant, exalted, immeasurable, without hostility, and without ill-will.” This does not sound cold or aloof.

Buddhism teaches that when one is truly nonjudgmentally attentive to all beings and then compassion and warmth will be present. So, equanimity is not being detached or shut down. It is noticing with balance and without overattachment or reactivity. It is being deeply connected without being desperate or needing the world and the people around you to be any particular way. Achieving equanimity requires managing our emotions with kindness and with self-compassion when the world disappoints or frustrates us. It requires staying present with your emotions without ignoring them or shutting down (and of course without acting impulsively).

So today, as you practice equanimity, try to do so without shutting down or “deciding you don’t care.” Try to be present rather than to be perfect.

Sit tall, stretch until you are comfortable and ready to begin. Then press this timer,

Now, if you can, bring to your mind someone or something that has disappointed you, frustrated you or made you very angry. Breathe in and notice fully all the thoughts and feelings about the situation.
Now on your next breath, consider the concept of equanimity. Imagine yourself with your feet rooted to the floor while the situation swirls around you. You may have angry thoughts, unfair thoughts, or you may just feel strong emotions. Try with each breath to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings with care and without judging them. Do not force yourself to be reasonable or even compassionate. First, be accepting of where you are and your reactions to the situation. Notice any urges to act on your thoughts and feelings, but do not. Just breathe in with kind attention.

If you feel you are ready, see if you can notice other things about the situation. Other details and context…even what others involved might have been thinking or experiencing. Continue to breathe in and out, noticing that you are in this moment just observing with care. Pay attention to what it feels like to be in the middle of your situation with deep awareness, but without acting.

When the bell rings to end the practice take a final deep breath in and out…

Throughout your day when things upset you, try not to react impulsively and at the same time try to deeply connect with care to your thoughts and feelings. Remember that equanimity is not shutting down, distracting, or deciding you do not care.

Enjoy your weekend!

Michele